Dirty Hands: Trust

Dirty Hands

In my lap, still and silent
Dirty hands, a sinner's grasp;
Will I leave them there, defying,
As you call me to my task?

At my side, busy, flying,
Able hands used for good work;
In my mind, pride overtaking,
Duties now I never shirk.

Lips do tremble, eyes are opened,
Glancing at my sin-marred hands;
Much like Uzzah's fatal choice,
Did I forget the filth of man?

Glancing up I see before me
Blood-stained hands, a sinless Ram.
Open arms, He welcomes, calling,
"Come rest in me, my little lamb."

On the plow now, tightly holding,
Tear-stained hands my tasks employ.
Jesus at my side does guide me;
Tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy.

In my lap, still and silent,
Dirty hands, a sinner's clasp:
Folded praying, day's task done.
'Tis God's work in me lights my path.

- S.E.G. Sept. 2006

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Trust

The Christian life is a life of trust, and pregnancy is no exception. Every woman is aware that loss is a possibility in pregnancy, but I don't think it really comes home until you've experienced it yourself. Hypothetical and real are two different things. And when loss becomes real instead of hypothetical - I've lost two babies in utero, including most recently this past spring - it makes each future pregnancy even more a matter of trust than it was before you experienced loss.

Trust that God has given this life for a reason.

Trust that all things work together for good for those who love Him.

Trust that the good each small life will work (however long or short our paths cross) will be the conforming of my sinful self into the image of His Son. No matter the outcome. Period.

Trust that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Trust that God holds the future in His hand.

Trust that God is all-good and all-powerful.

Notice I didn't say "trust that God will protect my baby's life," or "trust that God won't put me through that trial again." God doesn't promise a smooth passage, but He promises to be with us through life's storms and sunny sailing, both.

I've looked in the Bible for absolute promises to specific circumstances in my life, including pregnancy and the life of my children - they're not in there. It's not because He didn't get around to it. It's because part of the "being conformed to the image of His Son" happens when we have to hold loosely our desires, our expectations, our hopes, and dreams. It's when our hopes and dreams are reborn in His likeness that we find real peace and real joy. This is trust in God. This isn't hypothetical read-about-in-books type of thing; this is where the rubber hits the road.

So we begin this journey again. Welcoming a new life, thanking God for another baby to love and cherish, but holding our hopes and dreams loosely. Looking to eternity, not just to the temporal. Praying that God will let us meet this little one next June, but trusting that God is good, no matter His plan.