Thursday, November 01, 2018
Kindergarten is optional. Please repeat many times before proceeding.
Kindergarten can be a fun and useful foundation to future education. Please repeat many times before proceeding.
Okay, now that we've prefaced with that. . .
I am not the world's expert on kindergarten. I'm kindergarten-ing my third child right now, but I'm not nearly the most experienced or wise person I know on the issue. And I know my children; I don't know yours.
But my goals are much broader than what my children have done and who they are as children and students, and I think many of these ideas don't just apply to my children, but could work for most children.
My children have finished phonics at different ages. They have adapted to the pencil grasp and basics like coloring in the lines at vastly different ages. They moved from kindergarten to 1st grade math at different times. But the principles below still apply to all three, and I think they will easily apply to my fourth child, because these goals are more about principles. The specifics are suggestion, to be tweaked as needed.
Another caveat: not all moms need to love all the same things. We are individuals with gifts, inclinations, and different passions. I happen to be a mom who REALLY loves the kindergarten age.
Since I am nothing if not verbose, I try to break up paragraphs and label sections clearly, to ease the eyes and allow you to read as desired, instead of get lost in a 10,000-word forest of my ramblings :-D.Sorry that I do nothing by halves :-P.
And for your benefit, here's the
Table of Contents
All the Prefaces
Table of Contents
The Language Foundation
Specifics of Phonics
Specifics of Handwriting
Specifics of Math
Specifics of Science
Spiritual Training, Habits, and Chores
Extras in the Kindergarten Years
Why Kindergarten Looks Different for a First Child (and why that's okay)
About Changing Your Plans
The Trickle-Down Effect
If You Have a Gifted Child
A Weird Way to End a Post on Kindergarten Goals
Reading Philosophy for Kindergarten
My number one academic goal for a child of kindergarten age is to light a fire of loving books. I did NOT say to love independently reading by mastering phonics, or even necessarily starting phonics in the kindergarten age. I said to love books. Those are different things. A child loving books and loving to read with others will take him far in life. Learning to read super-early has been proven over and over in many studies to take him absolutely nowhere extra, on average.
If a child is ready to read in kindergarten or before, go for it! Just make sure HE's ready to read, not that you're ready for him to read. ;-) Don't do it for bragging rights! One of the very best things for my relationship with my first child at age 4 was to teach him to read! But it doesn't mean every child will benefit from it, nor is that a general goal for all of my children.
So my reading philosophy for kindergarten and before is to love books together. Foster a love of books by reading together a LOT. This doesn't mean that you should feel guilty if your newborn is colicky and you can't sit for long periods and read, and read, and read with your kindergartener. But treasure it, protect that time, make room for it over worksheets or formal phonics. It will take a child far.
For my third child, Martin, he has been eager to be "big" and learn to read himself, so we do a bit of phonics 2-5 times a week, but I read to him a good deal more. I try to keep a constant influx of fun books in the house, to "light his fire" of reading love. These books include any that trusted friends recommend, random suggestions I see online, beloved family favorites, seasonal-specific options, options specific to his interests (ocean-anything is his major obsession!), and suggestions from a few blogs I follow.
I am a dedicated user of our online library catalog, for library reserves. I read education posts in one tab with my library catalog up in another tab, and I will reserve any and all suggestions that look remotely interesting. I will NOT browse through our library willy-nilly in person, especially with my dear children in tow, as it usually yields a pile of library books that are mostly drivel. :-P
Find blogs and forums you love and trust, to give you awesome ideas for read-alouds. I love Read-Aloud Revival for a great start on book ideas, but there are so many great additional options. I like to suggest people start at Read-Aloud Revival, because Sarah MacKenzie is so much more than booklists; she is all about the relationship that comes with reading with her kids. I also freely drown people in book recommendations, when asked. :-D Just make sure to put on a raincoat!
The Language Foundation
The REASON reading is so important is because reading is one of the best ways to gather language, learn new language (not just foreign languages, but your own, as your vocabulary and usage increases), and to gain new knowledge. Reading truly is the key to academic education.
But in order for reading to be deeply beneficial, your child has to have a good grasp of language in the first place! In the next section I'll talk about the signs I looked for that my young kids were "phonics-ready," but a pre-skill they had before that was fluent language. That had to precede "phonics skills" like letter sound awareness.
The English language is about 85% phonetical. The remaining 15% of words aren't as straight forward - mainly sight words or more complex words that are partly phonetical, exceptions to general rules, etc. Learning to read is often and well-described as "decoding," because what a child really is doing when they learn to read is taking the language that is already in their brain and learning what it looks like on paper. For each of my children, it's been interesting to see that they really are pulling from their knowledge of their primary language as they decode words, and their guesses and revisions of what they're trying to read are referencing the English they already know. (This is also why I think asking a child to decode nonsense, nonexistent words as a phonics exercise is not a great idea, as a general practice!)
So, for a child who is delayed in language because of a communication disorder, autism, hearing loss or deafness, emotional trauma, or language deprivation, or any other reason, focusing on LANGUAGE well before any kind of phonics (even decoding 3-letter words) is so much more important.
My youngest child is deaf, and we have used a combination of sign and speech with her. She is rapidly catching up to her hearing peers with speech and language (via cochlear implants), but I don't anticipate that her English will be as ridiculously-advanced or complex at age 4 or 5 as my other children. I don't anticipate her being an early reader, but I anticipate her being a good reader after she has a solid language foundation and she's ready for phonics. This might be at age 5 or 6, but it might be later. I'm quite willing to focus on language through daily life and conversation, progressing in sign language myself, and through me reading TO her, even if that means she doesn't read early or "on-time." I refuse to press a skill (reading independently) that needs a base of fluent language, until I feel that base is fully in place. You don't start building a house until the foundation is solid!
Specifics of Phonics in Kindergarten
(and preschool and 1st grade+, as needed)
What I've done for each of my kids is to start by playing with letters. Sometime in the preschool years. These can be letter magnets, shapes, cards, tiles, whatever. With my oldest, we lived in an apartment complex with a ton of cars parked right outside our townhouse, so we studied license plates and pointed out letters and numbers a lot that way. As my kids become interested in the names of the letters, I foster that interest.
After they have the letters down, start mentioning that the letters make sounds. If they enjoy parroting back the sounds to you (in speech or song, in much the same way they might parrot back animal sounds), gently encourage that, but if they're uninterested, try again several weeks or months later. Don't overwhelm with too many new sounds or letters in a single, short sitting with them (preferably on the floor).
At that point, with each of my 3 older children, I left it at that until they started noticing on their own that the letter sounds they'd been taught appear at the beginning of spoken words. A conversation with a 4yo might happen like this:
Martin: "M-Martin. My name starts with the 'M' sound!"
Me: "That's right! Your name starts with an 'M'." (I might also write out his name to show him.)
A few days after, or later that day. . .
Martin (randomly, while listening to me read a book about bears): "B-bear. B! The bear starts with the "B" sound!"
This has been a reliable indicator with my oldest three that their sound awareness has taken root a bit, and that they were interested in the relationship between sounds and words. It happened with their initiative each time, though you could certainly point it out yourself. This is the point that I have started an actual phonics program for each.
It has NOT meant the same thing for each child, nor has it happened at the same age for each child.
For my oldest, it meant that he sped through phonics in 5 months at the age of 4 years, and he hasn't slowed down reading since. For my second it meant starting phonics SLOWLY at age 4 (after she'd begged me for months), and taking a full year to complete. She was eager, but needed more time than her brother, and I purposely didn't rush. For my third, it meant starting phonics slowly at age 5, after much begging and obvious initial interest in reading. It meant going very slowly the first few months, as his interest was greater than true natural inclination. And in the last month or two (he is almost 5 1/2), it's meant that suddenly, he's really getting this reading concept and doing fabulous, even though at our rate, I still think it will be a full year at least of slowly doing phonics before he's "done."
For some children it might mean waiting until age 6 to start phonics, or beyond, or it might mean a different and more specialized approach to reading, if they have additional educational concerns. Reading does not come easily to all people, but for many children, it's just a matter of time.
Having an independent reader is never one of my goals for kindergarten. But if it happens naturally, that's okay. In fact, it's really handy! I just don't expect or stress over it.
We have used Hooked on Phonics, and loved it. There are other good options out there. All About Reading is kind of hard to beat, from everything I've heard from friends, read in reviews. . . plus I've loved their spelling curriculum (to start later! - not in Kindy!)
Handwriting Philosophy for Kindergarten
It is okay if your child doesn't form letters well as a five-year-old. Yes, really.
I have a child who figured out the pencil grasp at 18 months and was forming nice letters (that she taught herself) at around age 3-4.
I also have a child who didn't color in the lines of pictures until age 7, and until this point found any small amount of handwriting to be absolute torture.
Boys often do NOT have fabulous fine-motor skills. I'm very afraid that our expectations of handwriting (and other fine-motor skills) for kindergarten are based on the average girl, not the average 5yo. (That's just my private opinion, which I just posted on Blogger.) Don't get me wrong: some boys DO have great fine-motor skills at age 5, and some girls do NOT. I get that there is a wide variance.
Handwriting is honestly one of two areas that I would definitely do differently, could I have a "re-do" with my first child. (The other area would be to focus more on self-control; I did focus on self-control a LOT, but not in the same way I would now, given a healthy dose of perspective, re-training of myself first, and an understanding of 2e children.)
Specifics of Handwriting in Kindergarten
There are many ways to "play" with letter formation besides pencil and paper. Since realizing this, I haven't had a child who DIDN'T like pencil and paper, but if I had another child like my first, I would do things like salt tray writing, wikki sticks, etc. first. I would buy big pencils, or other alternate writing instruments like big crayons or triangle-shaped pencils.
I would relax more.
Even with my first, we didn't do a lot. A few times a week, he traced a line of letters (all the same - so maybe five "big A's"), and then I required him to try to form one of the same letter on his own. Now, honestly, I wouldn't require the independent formation, if he wasn't inclined. I don't see this as necessary for a 5yo anymore, but I would encourage interest and skill that did exist, and have for my other two.
Other great tools that are pre-handwriting, that I used with some or all of my kids: Mazes! These are fabulous fun for pencil control! Dot-to-dot! Coloring!
Once a child has good pencil control and has practiced the basics of each letter formation, I would suggest doing one of the following (and a child might be ready for this in kindergarten, or might be ready later or earlier):
(1) If a child is still learning to read, copy out 1-3 sentences from his phonics lesson onto primary ruled paper, and let him copy them below your copy. My third child is loving this!
(2) If your child has mastered phonics BEFORE getting past basic letter formation, then move on to a basic copywork or penmanship book. I love Rod and Staff penmanship, which I used for my first two children. (I used option (1) above for my third child, so we have not used Rod and Staff yet.)
Math Philosophy for Kindergarten
You do not need a math textbook in kindergarten.
BUT, I use one. So there.
I really really love Singapore Essential Math K (books A and B), which is not to be confused with their more involved "Early Bird" program for K. I use the texts as a springboard and as a general guide for topics to cover. They have fun pictures that illustrate the concepts.They are super low-key.
But I do not consider our text to be the "main thing." We don't even write in the workbooks! That's how much we use them as guides, not as exhaustive worksheets. Remember what I said about my oldest child not being "comfortable" with handwriting until age 7? Well, one thing I don't regret is allowing him to do the vast majority of his math until age 7ish (far beyond his kindergarten book!) orally or with manipulatives.
We use a lot of manipulatives in the kindergarten age. We learn numbers in the same way we learn letters, and we learn to write numbers in the same way we learn handwriting.
And we talk math. We talk about math in every day life, we count objects, we "take away" objects (which is far more fun than adding them, though we do that too). We skip count, or count forwards, or backwards while playing hide-and-seek. We measure things. We ask "how many more" of something we need to make 5 total, or 10 total. If I have 8 cookies, and my four children are splitting them evenly, how many does each child get? Take 10 blocks (tell your child how many you start with), and hide some of them under a bowl, then ask your child how many are under the bowl, given how many are still showing on the table.
Specifics of Math in Kindergarten
Buy a set of Unifix cubes. Do it. We use them all. the. time. For kindergarten and far beyond. I also really like a good base-ten set, as it's easier when we get up past 100.
Use dice (all kinds!) to roll two numbers to add together. (Or subtract!) Buy a clock with gears, that you can use for years to come, as you learn time. A child doesn't need to start time in kindergarten, but understanding the hours is a good base, and you will use it for the future.
Find a basic kindergarten curriculum that isn't too involved, isn't too worksheet-y. Or if you're braver than me, don't! Find a basic list of kindergarten math facts, and fly with it! (There are children who love to do endless worksheets, and I've had one of them, but most children will NOT bloom with a really involved curriculum that requires 36 weeks of lessons for kindergarten.)
Then whatever curriculum you choose, use it as YOUR guide more than your child's guide. Your child honestly doesn't ever need to see the book. It's okay if he does. It's okay if he writes in it! But it is your tool, not your master. You can use it as a reference, to see that "okay, we could now work together on comparing groups of things, and discussing 'more' and 'less' in sets." "Ah, now that we've done adding and subtracting in 10's, we can expand that to doing the same, within 40." "Oh, skip counting is a kindergarten topic! We can do that next!
As you do things like adding and subtracting, make up stories with your kids. All my kids have loved this, but for my oldest, it was THE hook that made him fly through math.
Scenario: I hand him 5 brown unifix cubes and tell him he has 5 kittens. Then I show him 3 red unifix cubes and tell him I have 3 kittens. "If I give you my 3 kittens, how many do you have now?"
We repeated this over and over and over and over, altering the numbers, doing addition and subtraction, doubling with small numbers, etc. We also used poker chips, as those are another nice manipulative for this age. You do not need ALL THE MANIPULATIVES, but it's nice to have a few kinds, for variation.
Science Philosophy for Kindergarten
Go outside. A lot. Teach your child the glory of God's creation by admiring His handiwork.
Specifics of Science in Kindergarten
(All optional! Science is totally optional!)
If you want some really fun science books that introduce nature and science topics in a gentle and fun way to children, I have never read anything by Dianna Hutts Aston or Gail Gibbons that I haven't loved :-). They have written so many wonderful titles each! I also love the many, many insect books that Eric Carle has. The Berenstain Bears Big Book of Science and Nature is a fun and engaging volume of lots of science and nature topics. I don't particularly care for the way the father is portrayed, but when gently addressed, I feel it is still worth a read. :-) We wore out our first copy, and are now on our second now-tattered copy.
We actually read science books heavily in the kindergarten years, because we have very curious children when it comes to the natural world! We also do very few experiments because that's not Mommy's jam. (We do some, just not many!)
Spiritual Training, Habits, and Chore Goals
This is really the meat of the younger years! I probably should have put this first, for this very reason, but I am really trying to address academics in this post, more so than "everything else," and it seemed to fit better with all my "other topics" after the basic subjects that are actually academic. But I feel like these are so much more than "everything else."
If you work on discipling your small kindergartener, showing him grace and Christ, modeling worship for him day in and day out, and help him begin to hide God's Word in his heart, you have done more for him than if he has mastered phonics, loves to be read to (yes, even that!), and has started memorizing his multiplication tables.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10
We do family devotions after supper most nights of the week, which consists of part or all of a chapter of the Bible (We read consecutively through the Bible, and when we finish, we start again!), with appropriate explanations, followed by a prayer or song. Short and sweet, but nourishes the soul over many days and weeks and years. We also catechize starting around age 4.
With all my school age children (not just kindergarten), I do a variety of spiritual training. Sometimes in school we are more consistent than other times. Sometimes we focus on scripture memory, then we might focus on a devotional book to read at the beginning of our school day. I love the scripture series memory cards that correspond to CMI's Bible and catechism Sunday school curriculum. And we have enjoyed the audio of The Jesus Storybook Bible numerous times. Right now we are reading through Leading Little Ones to God, which is a lovely devotional that is Biblically-sound and a good level for preschool up through all of elementary.
Habits of courtesy, manners, and cleanliness set a child up for life. This is NOT my strong point! It is what I strive for, but remembering the importance of focusing on these is not my natural bent! I have grown a lot in this area as a parent, and I have so far to go! Having neuro-typical children currently in the "little years" has made this a much easier thing, but the "easier now" has also come with a change in my focus, expectations, and attitude.
And chores! No, I don't think a 5yo needs to have a long list of chores to complete every day. But a 5yo can be helpful and can do it cheerfully. What small regular jobs around your home can you train your 5yo to do and do well? You would be surprised at how well this skill of doing a job cheerfully and thoroughly can transfer later into the classroom, not to mention all of life.
My 5yo is in charge of unloading the dishwasher, in helping with daily and weekly pick-ups of the house, and can help with some very basic kitchen things like peeling carrots and stirring oatmeal. He can bring library books or smaller bags of groceries in from errand trips. He puts away his laundry with a bit of help. He is one of my most enthusiastic dusters (when we actually get around to it!). Just a few small things that are well within his abilities and are good both to train him to be useful and to make him feel useful.
(If you do find the magic pill for getting all children to do all chores at all times, without complaining, please let me know!)
Honestly, this section deserves more, but as this is something I feel that I am still growing and learning in at a much more rapid rate than the other areas, I'd rather let other writers speak on the topic :-).
What are "extras" for the kindergarten years?
Crafts. Crafts are extra.
I am a semi-crafty lady, but I do not consider myself to be a crafty mom. If my 8yo was my only child, we would do crafts all day, every day. Every history unit would be one big craft fest. We would celebrate every holiday by making oodles of handmade decorations.
But with four children, not all of whom like CraftsMoreCrafts, and one of whom is a very precocious 2yo, I find the more I focus on the activities/worksheets/crafts accompanying school, the less reading we do. And we all really love reading! The more "enrichment" crafts we do, the less time we spend outside. And I'd rather them run around in the leaves and swing for an hour than put together a lapbook about autumn that required way more effort for me than for them. For the average child, they will learn more by getting dirty or by being read to. This does not mean crafts or lapbooks are bad, but that they are not essential and that for many children or families, too many can and will detract from the "better."
If you like crafts, have the time, have a child inclined to it, go for it! Crafts can be wonderful memory-builders and can help with fine-motor skills. But don't guilt yourself if you don't do "enough" of them, and don't be frustrated if your 5yo isn't as enthusiastic about that perfect craft project as you are. (I had one of those children!)
Classes outside the home. Definitely extra.
Do you know your child does not need to know how to "do school" in a classroom environment at the age of 5? Really! Yes, learning to sit still, being polite in turn taking, and respecting teacher authority can be enhanced in the classroom setting. But our forefathers did a much better job instilling these traits in their progeny with a lot less class time and a much more "delayed" approach to formal education. So please don't call classes a necessary or even the best way to foster these :-). Family devotions and daily family life can accomplish the same goals.
"Wrong" at this age? No! But not required, and often not even useful!
Apps, or other electronic means of "education."
No, I'm not going to call you a bad parent if your child uses an iPad. Or watches TV shows. Each of my kids has enjoyed a limited use of the free version of Starfall for fun letter play, at age 4 or 5ish. We love Octonauts, and my kids have actually learned a lot from the show. They've also watched a fair bit of Wild Kratts and a few other "educational" options over the years. I also find, though, that the less screen time my kids get (even the educational kind), the better they attend to family life, participate in chores without complaint, play outside eagerly, and the more they don't ask for MORE screen time. (This is especially true of one of my children.) Screen time for a young kid isn't evil, but it's rarely the best option.
As parents, we cannot be all things to all people at all times. We have limited time, limited emotional energy, and limited hands to hold everyone. I get that! (I've been through chronic illness myself while homeschooling a chronically ill child. I REALLY get that.) You do not have to be Super Mom. Use tools, tricks, and toys well, and use them sparingly. They really are more effective that way :-).
Why Kindergarten Really Does Look Different for a First Child (And That's Okay)
If you are homeschooling a first child through kindergarten (or preschool, or first grade, or anything!), you are experiencing a first. A first time YOU are responsible for teaching the material. A first time you are gauging your child's strengths, weaknesses. A first time you have to decide which of many people/blogs/pinterest boards are "right."
(Good luck! You can't win this battle, Mom! Your standard and your judge is your Lord, not the neighbor, the Super Blogger Mom, your mother-in-law, your mother, or the woman at church or the store or play group who wants to live vicariously through you.)
This is the first time as an educator that you have to decide if your child's disobedience is solely his own fault (We call this "sin nature."), or if you have encouraged his disobedience (We call this "exasperating your child.") by expecting too much, too soon. When you school your second child or any successive child, that child will be different from your first, and you will STILL have to make those calls (and you will still make mistakes!), but it won't be the same as figuring it out the first time. Trust me.
So give yourself grace. Grace to make mistakes. Grace to experiment, to try, to fail, to change your plans if you realize this was NOT the best option for your child.
But about changing plans. . .
It's good to change plans when we realize your plans are a bad idea.
But sometimes the plan isn't the problem; you just need to give it more time.
I met a homeschool mom a few years ago who was on her FOURTH reading curriculum with her five-year-old daughter. Nothing "worked" for her - the mom, not the child. Yes, there are bad reading curricula out there. But she freely admitted to me that the bigger problem was her lack of consistency. The curriculum wasn't providing a magic genie to teach her daughter to read, bottomline.
Don't be afraid to adjust your timetable expectations, not your curriculum. Don't be afraid to admit your attitude might be the larger problem, or that HOW you do the curriculum is more important than WHAT curriculum you use. Does your child need the consistency of doing a very small bit of schoolwork every single day, or he won't do it at all? (I had one of those!) Does your child need to only look at "schoolwork" 2 days a week? If your kindergarten curriculum is so intense that for an average child, you can't "get through it" in a year by only "schooling" for 2 short days a week, I would suggest your kindergarten curriculum is too much.
Do throw out your curriculum if it's not working for you! But give it time to prove itself, and don't cycle through curriculum willy-nilly. This can be just as damaging to a good education, if not more so, than a bad curriculum. A curriculum is a tool, but a good teacher can make up for a bad curriculum. Confusing a poor child by constantly changing direction, focus, philosophy, and books can be very unsettling.
A Word About the Trickle-Down Effect
So back to why kindergarten looks different for a first child.
It's because you don't have the trickle-down effect! After I explain the trickle-down effect, I will explain why understanding what you DON'T have (the trickle-down effect) as a first-time kindergartener-schooler does change how you might school different from that sage wise mom of 6 who informs you that HER children never "need" special kindergarten crafts or math at age 5, and how she waits until they are age ____ (fill in the blank) to start phonics.
The trickle-down effect means that my 5yo Martin doesn't have a science curriculum for kindergarten this year. Many of the books his 8yo sister is reading (or having read to her) for botany this year are also read to him, and he loves it! The trickle-down effect means that his 8yo sister reads him many of her simpler history books. It means he wants to trace our geography maps because everyone else does!
The trickle-down effect means Martin learned to count to 100 simply by listening to siblings. It means that when his sister told him (a bit condescendingly) a few weeks ago that "he'll get to fractions when he's older," he whipped out a pencil and paper and drew me a circle divided in two, and explained to me that he drew "two tooths." (Read it out loud.) Then he proceeded to write several more fractions in standard numerator/denominator form, and told me (correctly) what they were.
It means he decided this year that he is "learning Latin" because his older siblings are learning it. He enthusiastically participates in Latin chants and oral quizzes, which involve no-pressure for him, but will make the language somewhat familiar to him when he studies it formally in 3 years. The trickle-down effect also means that when he learns a new Bible memory verse or catechism question, he's already heard it many times from siblings, even if he hadn't memorized it himself yet!
Martin is my wonderful but decidedly "most average of my children" child. I don't give you all the trickle-down-effect anecdotes for him to make you think you're missing out or to brag on his imagined genius, but to help you see what a very average child picks up simply by having older siblings in the home!
The trickle-down effect means my second child taught herself her letters and most of the sounds by spying on my time with her older brother, and then she proceeded a few years later to teach her younger brother the letters. It means I never taught my third child "formally" how to identify shapes or colors. It just happened.
I believe strongly in not allowing a third child to be lost in the parent's effort to always "aim for the older kids" in read-alouds, to the point of leaving the youngest behind. This is why Martin and I read so many wonderful picture books together, and why there are certain chapter books that my husband hasn't read to the kids during his evening reads, as there are plenty of other wonderful chapter book options that the three olders can all enjoy.
BUT, my 5yo still gets exposure to a lot of really wonderful, complex chapter books that he wouldn't be exposed to, if he wasn't #3 child. He enthusiastically listens to our audio book rotation (currently reading through 100 Cupboards on audio, on car rides) and great history read-alouds (he was fascinated by Story of the World). He is constantly the victim (hehe) of his older siblings eagerly wanting to expose him to their new favorite books, by offering to read to him.
Basically, a lot of "extra" benefits, he gets simply by living in a house with a homeschooled 8yo and 10yo. You can't recreate this if your kindergartener is your only!
And that's okay.
You may choose to do more crafts or activities or games with your first child. If you love to do this, relish it! You may have time with future children, and you may not. Enjoy this time, with this little person. When your next child comes along, relish what his kindergarten years will look like, even if it doesn't look the same. If you find yourself "doing less" as far as the "extras," remind yourself of all the wonderful trickle-down effect and sibling camaraderie (and squabbles, ahem) he's getting instead :-).
Sometimes when an older mom who has done kindergarten teaching several times tells a new mom to take it easy, it's because she's right. Spot-on. Kindergarten does not have to be rocket science! It can be very low-key and should be, in fact. But sometimes, I'm convinced that her kindergarten children are learning far more and are way more ready for 1st grade than she realizes, simply because they are not first children.
If you have a gifted child.
Your friend who has decided to redshirt her kindergartener may have made the right choice for her child. But you don't have to give in to her pressure on you to do the same for your child, especially if you suspect your child is gifted. Putting a truly gifted child delayed a year might do more damage than help; it could make your child labeled ADHD, defiant, or just plain ornery. He might lose his love of learning, or never develop it. So do what you feel (after thought, prayer, and observation) is right for your child, not what your friend is telling you to do. (The same could be said for the opposite, of advancing a child rapidly, without reason.)
Not every child that a parent thinks is "gifted" really is. This is okay! Most kindergarteners are bright, love to learn letters, etc. You are their best cheerleader! Enjoy their milestones!
But if you think giftedness is a possibility, look for truly out-of-the-ordinary traits over multiple years, that indicate to you that your child might need education fostered in a more individual or accelerated way, allowing him to move at a different pace than his peers. Don't draw attention to him, either to himself or others (except a trusted few, who could mentor you on this path), and don't unnecessarily label him a grade ahead, simply because NOW he's tracking ahead. This can bite later, if he merely is a quick bloomer or blooms temporarily under pressure, but will level out to average over the years (and this is fine!). Remember that your child is still your child, not a trophy.
You can always graduate a child early if he gets through the coursework, but this can be decided YEARS from now! It's a lot emotionally harder to move a child "back" to his chronological grade later on, if you realize that you pushed too much, too early. If your child flies through phonics and kindergarten math at age 4, it does NOT mean he needs a complete 1st grade course load the following year!
Many gifted children have asynchronous development, which means they excel in certain areas, but are "average" or even behind in other areas. My super-early reader who had a high vocabulary and rapidly progressed through math BUT was "behind" in handwriting and emotional development is a perfect example of this! He's highly gifted, but his schooling has taken a lot of careful thought.
For example, he made it through phonics and kindergarten math prior to his 5th birthday. But I waited a year to start an English or history or science curriculum (until he was age 6), and I waited until he was fully 7 years old to start formal spelling. (I recognize that some educational philosophies don't even do English and spelling in elementary, but I'm speaking as someone who does do it, but didn't "push" into it just because he had finished kindergarten material.) He continued to progress in math and is to this day advanced in this area and is working well "above grade level," but we did most of it verbally for a few more years. We also did a lot of his math while jumping on a trampoline or racing around the house.
Just because he could read a 200-page book from a young age doesn't mean I required that, and certainly didn't mean I required book reports, detailed verbal analysis, or anything else that a middle or high school class that assigned the same book might require. He just read it, and sometimes we talked about it. A gifted child needs permission to act their age. Not act childishly, but act their age.
Now, this might seem like a weird way to end a post on kindergarten goals, but. . .
I have an idea.
Instead of focusing on having children "kindergarten-ready" in the preschool years, so they enter kindergarten "on track" (whatever that means?), what if the early years of 3-6 were spent towards the goal of having a child "second-grade-ready" by the time they were 7-8 years old?
This gives so much breathing room for a child being a child and spending a lot of time in the great outdoors, for a "second-grade-ready" list to be finished at quite a varying rate, depending on the development of the individual child. It gives flexibility for children who don't develop a pencil grasp early, for children who struggle with phonics, for children who need extra focus on discipline and self-control.
The purpose of this goal is not for a parent to slack and give no direction in education or self-discipline in the early years, but to focus on the child's rate of need and development, not rushing towards a goal that is too early for some. I think it could save a lot of headaches and a lot of worry, and allow children to thrive, if done well.